Real Romance - A Realistic Approach to Dating

Flowers, candlelight, and whispered vows may be part of the romance in your fantasy, but in the modern world it can be tricky to pull off a fairy tale date. But rest assured, romance is not dead. If you're willing to put in the effort you can still plan a date that will sweep you both away.

It's essential to date wisely and do a little planning. Consider what your date's mood will be on the big night. Is he just getting off a stressful day of work, or will he be in the mood for adventure? Consider the kind of setting that will make you both feel excited and alive. Ambiance and atmosphere, from temperature to smell to lighting, will play a significant role in your dream date.

For something really made to order, why not cook? Give him a surprise candle-lit dinner. This will definitely impress your partner, and may cause him to see you as wife material. Skip the simple pasta dish and plan something with a little meaning. Why not serve the kind of cuisine you shared on a first date? What about a dish from a favorite vacation? Think of the food that will take him back to a really romantic moment.

Whatever you decide to do on your date, don't rely on words to create romance. If you say "I love you" all the time, the words will become less precious. Instead, save sweet nothings for those special moments where you just can't hold them back anymore. Otherwise, try using your eyes to say how you feel.

And while romance can feel quite serious, don't forget to laugh. Laughter and romance are a perfect pairing because laughter relieves tension. Do things that you both can enjoy to keep you smiling and full of love.

Imagine what if you could make any man adore you, chase you, love you, and commit to you? Click Unforgettable Woman Advice and learn 77 Secrets that ninety percent of women have never heard. You have got to see this! This article is contributed by Tina Jones. Tina is part of the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women who want to understand male psychology, how to attract men, and find true love. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.

Unconditional Love - A Realistic Relationship Goal or a Romantic Fantasy?

A young woman wrote in to my dating advice column recently and asked me "What qualities are absolutely essential in a partner or in an ideal relationship? I have a pretty huge list and want to share some of them with you

affectionate


unconditional love for each other


emotional support, connection and harmony


caring, kind, compassionate


easygoing, calm


stability, commitment, loyal


understanding, accepting (accepts me as I am), tolerant


appreciation and love for each other


enjoys intimacy regularly


sense of humor, positive outlook, reasonably happy and optimistic

I am seeking this man and hope to find this type of love some day. What do you think of my list?"

My response was probably not what she wanted to hear, but with almost 20 years of experience in dating and relationships industry, I know this young lady is headed for disappointment. Her list is created from girlish childhood fantasies of the Knight swooping in to save the fair maiden. Her list is to me nothing but fantasy from a young woman that has obviously never been married.

Hey, I'm not saying that men cannot be honest, loving, committed and many of the things on the list above, don't get me wrong! But real men are not perfect by any means. Even if a guy did possess all of her listed qualities, they won't be in evidence every single day! He is going to mess up sometimes, piss her off, and definitely not be the man of her dreams. So I can say with confidence that the man she dreams of only exists in soap operas, fairy tales and romance novels. He is not a real man.

If you are passing up great partners and dismissing them as unsuitable while you seek the romantic fantasy of "unconditional love" you need to stop. Take that qualification off your list and get real. Everything has conditions. And people will stop loving you if you do things on their "crossed the line" list, as well they should! Expecting that you can treat others any way you want and that they will keep loving you anyway is unrealistic.

Why would anyone with good sense continue to love and care for someone that intentionally did something foul and disrespectful, with the full intent of harm or using them? For instance, a woman who whines and cries claims to still love a man even though he hurt her children or parents, or committed a violent crime against someone's daughter is a fool. That man would have crossed all barriers of decency and humanity and he should be left in the dust.

When involved in any relationship, we must all decide what our bottom line is. Some people will continue to love and support their friends, children and family members even if they do something on the 'crossed off' list. However, my standard on this issue is this: Anyone that hits me, hurts my child, hurts my Mom or Dad or brothers gets no love from me! You steal my money you are out. You do anything foul and funky with intent to harm me, you are out. And I don't care who you are.

To me, unconditional love under those circumstances makes no sense and means you care more about someone else than you do yourself. Sadly, the attitude of "I hate myself but I love you" goes hand in hand with a damaged sense of self and low self-esteem, which is almost epidemic in our society.

I strongly suggest that all women eliminate the fantasy of unconditional love in their romantic relationships. Establish boundaries for proper treatment and respect and enforce them 100%! NEVER waste your time or your loving heart loving someone that has clearly demonstrated that they do not love you back.

(c) 2008 Deborrah Cooper. Deborrah has been involved in the relationships field for close to 20 years. She's authored dozens of relationship articles and writes a weekly advice column using the pen name "Ms. HeartBeat." Her works appear on the website AskHeartBeat.Com, which focuses on modern dating issues and relationships for both teens and adults. Her Top Black Books of 2007 award winning dating guide Sucka Free Love - How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional and The Deranged! provides witty, street-smart and hilarious insight into the toughest issues facing singles today. Find out more about or order your copy by clicking on this link Sucka Free Love.Com [http://www.suckafreelove.com]